In a culture where busyness is seen as a sign of success, we should look to those who can prioritise rather than looking to those who are always busy.
Prioritisation is a skill that I think is often overlooked in favour of finding a person who can ‘do it all’. Of course, time management is a useful skill to have, and being willing to go the extra mile can be a great personal quality, but if you can’t prioritise how you are spending your energy and time, these skills and assets can very quickly become your biggest weakness. Often people who are known for saying yes to everything quickly become busy, tired, and burned out [1]. We are only human, and that means we have natural limitations on just how much we can do. Instead of fighting against these limitations in pursuit of this idea of being a superhuman who can do everything at once, we should learn to accept them for what they are.
The ability to prioritise effectively can be rare to find amongst people who are new to their careers and in junior positions, because to prioritise effectively you need to learn to say no. When you are just starting out in a new job, you normally want to make a great impression and the ‘textbook’ way to do this is by saying yes to every opportunity and getting stuck in [2]. This can also be the case for women who work in male-dominated environments who want to come across as accommodating and friendly, and not disagreeable and stern [3]. Whilst this isn’t yet the norm, I would argue that you get a better impression of someone, their character, and their values by recognising when they say yes and no, and that we should all see the true value in both of these words.
I recently read The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (John Mark Comer, 2019) and one line from it has stuck with me: ‘Every yes is a thousand nos.’. When someone says yes to taking on an extra piece of work, it’s likely they are saying no to time with friends, doing a hobby, or taking time for self-care and this asymmetry and imbalance that comes saying yes to something is often forgotten. Many consider saying yes to an opportunity easier than saying no, but that maths doesn’t work out. How can saying ‘a thousand nos’ be easier than saying it once?!
Well, the complimentary skill to prioritisation is empathy, and it’s a lack of empathy that has caused people to think that saying yes, and sometimes going against your priorities just to appease others, is easier or better than saying no. It’s important to understand that everyone’s priorities are different, and they are likely to change as you progress through life: Women are likely to have very different priorities to men. For example, women are more likely to have (and usually prioritise) caring responsibilities, perhaps needing to adapt their work patterns to accommodate this [4]. This doesn’t mean that they don’t value their job, which can often be assumed, but instead means they have other valid responsibilities that they need to manage which at times can be more urgent than work. Other major life events, such as a global pandemic, often act as catalysts that cause people to re-evaluate their priorities and adjust their lives accordingly.
This lack of empathy for other people’s priorities can cause organisations to miss out on incredible candidates when recruiting. A key phrase used when assessing a candidate is making sure they are ‘the right fit’, which often translates into making sure that their priorities align with those of the business, and this can be a big mistake. Whilst a candidate may share your vision and want to support the business goals, it may be that they would prioritise taking time for self-care over a stressful work deadline, and for some recruiters that would be enough to say ‘they aren’t a good fit’. But if organisations had more empathy towards others and put more effort into understanding the people’s priorities, they could tap into a great pool of candidates.
And what’s more – this pool of candidates is likely to be more diverse too! People from different backgrounds, gender, race, religion, disability etc., are likely to all have slightly different priorities like childcare, prayer time, mental health, and physical health [5]. By understanding that having different priorities doesn’t necessarily affect a person’s work ethic or support of the business, we can diversify so many industries and attract some phenomenal talent.
So how can we, as a society, become more empathetic, and thus enable people to prioritise and thrive? One answer might be to get more women into senior leadership roles. Women are empathetic, and research has shown they tend to be more empathetic than men [6].They are more likely to take the time to understand someone else’s point of view and try to relate to them. If we can get more women into positions of leadership, they can help create a more empathetic culture from the top down and set an example to those around them. Another way, that might be more applicable in the short term, is to take the time to listen to others [7]. Listen to how often they say yes and no, and if you think someone is busy – talk to them about it. Empathy is developed through relationships. By getting to know those around you, you can understand them better and everyone can benefit.
As we (hopefully) emerge out of the pandemic, have empathy for those who have had their lives and priorities changed in the past 2 years. Rather than setting new year’s resolutions in 2022, look at your priorities and those of the people around you and see what you can do to value prioritisation over pure busyness.
References
[1] https://www.verywellmind.com/how-the-glorification-of-busyness-impacts-our-well-being-4175360
[3] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15161402/
[4] https://carolinecriadoperez.com/book/invisible-women/
[5] https://hbr.org/2016/05/different-cultures-see-deadlines-differently
She Codes the Cosmos 
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